sometimes i just wonder if i do have any good qualities or any good points in myself. i just find that im like not good in anything? be it in my studies/sports/music, i just dont seem to find myself good in any aspect. i feel that im so useless. and these few days, i realised that i do not have many friends now. i feel so depressed. looking at the number of friends gena has, i feel so inferior. i have never had this feeling before until i entered secondary3

everything seems to have changed after the streaming. i thought it maybe better for me but it turned out to be worse. i just feel so left out and lonely. and im too tired of my friends arnd me. i told myself to not feel in that way but i cant help it. it's like for eg. may. i just find that sometimes her actions are far too childish and when im troubled or anything, she still continues to tell me things that i dislike or am not interested in. i feel so sick. i tried dropping some hints to her but she dont seem to get it. and im afraid if i were to tell her directly,she would be upset. i just dont know what todo. im so confused.

and things are not rly gng too well in band too. charissa is so out in the section and she doesnt seem to like this section at all. i dont know how to help her to regain her interest in the section. i have no idea of how to help her. and the worse thing now is i cant help myself. nobody seems to like me anymore. like joanne. i used to be quite close to her but now we are like so distant. and today before the talentime audition, she even commented on the choice of my song saying that my choice is always 'very different ' frm the rest. she seems to be criticising me.

and eunice was there saying 'lousy' and all this and that. i was so hurt when i heard about it, i just feel so bad. and then when i held the jiang meiqi and she album, eunice took the she album without even looking at jiang meiqi's one and gena was there laughing 'haha. nobody look at yr album'(referring to the jiang meiqi's one)

i feel so hurt deep down inside my heart. jacie also another straightforward one. today during after frc she said that she was happy with her science results cuz she got 38/50 beating thuiqi and jessica. i ask how much did jessica fare and she say 60. when i told her i scored the same as jessica in sec2, she said that we are of the same kind whihc is like criticising me like that.

and she's like not close to me now. shee's closer to gena and xueli and i just feel a bit jealous. dont know why. i just feeel so alone.,left out. bleahs. only thing i can turn to maybe are just my soft toys. gosh. sighs.